Sunday, April 10th 2022

BLOG ENTRIES ??!>!? hi, lovies . . i'm new here, buti have a few things to talk about <3

Tuesday, April 12th 2022

i'm really feeling .. i can't seem to think of the right words. melancholy, overwhelmed, well too aware of the weights piling on my shoulders.

yesterday, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. & since then i feel like the earth's rotation has slowed. we don't know the stage, or if it's localized to one organ or if it's begun to spread. everyone's worst two fears are universal: fear of losing your parent(s), and fear of losing your child(ren.) the prospect of either has kept me up on more than one occasion. losing your parent has got to be one of the worst days of everyone's lives.

Saturday, April 16th 2022

hi, again . .

sorry i left out of nowhere and didn't continue. my dad's diagnosis has been hitting me pretty rough. i'm scared. and i feel like somehow my dad's life story is flashing before my eyes. i just carry so much of his pain as my own. i regret he didn't get the life i wish for him... i wish i could have been his mom. i'm sure that's weird but.. maybe it makes sense to some. i don't know how old his dad would have lived to, or his brother, the only life expectancy i can refer to is my grandma. and i really think a big part of the reason she kept kicking is out of pure stubborness. (and love for us, probably.) but my dad has had such a tough life. i can't imagine that same pure will to live in him. i want so badly for my sister to just involve herself in his life. he has literally nobody but me, and my boyfriend. we are his only family, and his only anything, really.

today was my birthday. my twenty-sixth to be exact. and it was okay! it's kind of funny, receiving dishware and a personalized doormat, home things as such, and how grown-up i feel because of it. i never expected to be here so long..


The current mood of dollspace at www.imood.com